having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Houston, we have a squirter
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
