I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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