GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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