Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
