I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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