all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
