The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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