I wish my penis had an off switch
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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