On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
