Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
