he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
