Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize