You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
