This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
