Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
