So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
