There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Of course I have a pirate flag
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
