I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize