So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
