if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Mom said you looked used
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize