I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
