You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
