So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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