I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
