We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize