Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
