Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
