dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
