Define "chronic" masturbator.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
