Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i think i have herpe
just one?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
