i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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