Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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