omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize