Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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