Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
