The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize