If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
