You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
