I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
