it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
