Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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