I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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