i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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