I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize