after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
