Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
