Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
