I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize