just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
