I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
