is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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