look no pants
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
