is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Drunk is not a location!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize