so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
