You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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