I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
