I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
