Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
His nipple licking is glorious
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