Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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