i think i have two assholes
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
