Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
