Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You may now shotgun with the bride
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
