I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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