what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And then he peed in my hair
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