I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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