I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
COCAINE IS GR8
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
