Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
