I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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