Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
