I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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