I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
