I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
