Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
