oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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