Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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