There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
