the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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