So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize