yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
