i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
