I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
