sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
