Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
