I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Alive.
So much puke
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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