On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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