see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
