I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize