im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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