I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it was like his penis was on wheels.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
