I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
