If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have post one night stand depression
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
His nipple licking is glorious
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