I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
