I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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