I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
