What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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