He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize