Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
