I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
