Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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