I heard we made out
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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