Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
