i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My feet surprised me
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