I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
